Grow Up.

The 12 Steps


We admitted we:
1. Were powerless over our addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs

Maybe you think it strange that I put The 12 Steps under a post titled 'Grow Up.' Recently, well maybe not so recently, now that I think about it, I've come to realize that every single person is an addict. Some are addicted to ETOH, some to the medicine chest, some to the street drugs, some to food, some to the lack of food, some to porn, some to pride, some to ego, some to power, some to money, some to sex, some to violence, some to tobacco, some to pop culture, some to shopping, some to toys, some to gambling, some to _____________.

Really it all boils down to addiction to self. Ironic, how addiction to self is so self-descructive. We can all recognize this damage...because again, it's about self. I think we should all live The 12 Steps.

Most of the people I know, self included, are very good at 1-5*, along with 10-12*. "1-5" I screwed up, I'm human (aka I'm not perfect and it's not all my fault), and sharing these screw ups with a good friend helps (in various healthy/self serving ways). "10-12" I know I will screw up again(no pressure/responsibility), it's great to be in God's precense, and of course I want to share with others (boast/seek attention), and mentor others (influence/control). (*Note, I do not understand these steps on quite this shallow of a level, I just think they are the steps that are easier to point to and (ab)use when we are not grown up.)

It's tricky little 6, 7, 8, and 9 that's hard. These steps are what I see as the 'Grow Up' phase. This phase is where I actually have to give up (self) control and let God do His thing; no more "moral inventory" or confessing; no more pondering; no more focusing. Doing. (Sounds like like a short green guy in the swamps of Degobah.) This is also the phase where self actually has to take ownership for self's treatment of others. I have to stop and think about my history of addiction (my past) and think about all of the people that I screwed up while I was screwed up. I have to make direct amends.

I have to make direct amends. Do you know what this means? I looked it up: amends-a restituion of wrong. That means I did something wrong. I own that something wrong. I own it, even though I've recognized my powerlessness over my addiction, believed that a Greater Power can restore me, made the decision to give my will over to the care of God. I've done a moral inventory, given it to God, asked Him (humbly) to remove my shortcomings, but I still own this wrong.

I have to make direct amends. Amends- a restitution of wrong. Next I looked up restitution: 1. giving back-the return of something to its rightful owner; 2. paying back-compensation for a loss, damage, or injury; 3. restoration-the return of something to the condition it was in before it was changed. I own this wrong, and I have to go directly to the person I have wronged and make it right.

Talk about daunting. It's not just an "I'm sorry." It's not an email, voicemail, card in the mail, blog, drunk-call, hang out over a beer (yeah that would be bad for a true AA thing). It is an in person interaction. I have to not only admit my wrong, but I have to find out from that person how I can restore what I changed (damaged).

I wish I had some nice little sum it up, but I'm just going to leave this right here, unfinished.