Up Against the Wall

Tonight I met up with a great group of girlfriends. Ahhh, this is always a treasured treat. We get together about one Friday a month for dinner and a movie. This evening it was BaBa's and then the Esquire.

As you may have guessed we went to Shopgirl, not a movie that I was particularly interested in watching. In the spirit of going out together I sucked it up and joined the crowd. (I was even provided with a 1/2 price ticket...thanks girls!)

Now, that being said, let me explain something. A few years ago I was in an airport, bored. I wondered into those cleverly placed bookshops and purchased Shopgirl. The cover photo reminded me of someone, and I liked the title. I actually thought that the author must have been someone else who happened to share a name with the actor. It took awhile to get into, but all books do that for me. I sat in the airport and read a little. I read a little more on the plane until I fell asleep; something I always do very easily in flight. On my trip I read a little each evening, and occasionally during the day while I drank ice tea outside under the trees. I read and I read and I read, but I could never get into it. I believe, I read it about 2/3s through before giving up. It was so depressing and just seemed to be wallowing in it with no change in sight. At the time, I felt that life has enough drama of it's own, I don't really need to read about some fictitious brokenness.

OK, so that is the complaint with the book, and I really must move on to the story of our movie night. So I purchased my 1/2 priced ticket, and then stepped inline for a little popcorn. Heck, if I was going to this movie, I was at least going to have a rare little treat. I was the first one down the isle and lead our group into an empty row. I don't care to step over people who are already seated. I sat next to Candyce and up against the wall.

Because I do remember a little bit of the book, the beginning was very predictable. Lonely, sort of wall flower girl is, well lonely. She reluctantly but desperately hooks up with goofy looser dude, Jeremy. He's the kind of guy that if you hook up with him, you never tell your your girls about, and you hope no one ever finds out. As it would turn out (funny, it almost always works this way), "Mr. Wonderful,"or Ray now steps into the scene, and our Shopgirl finds herself trying to shrug off goofy looser dude, who has suddenly become puppy-love affectionate, in order to pursue something with Ray. Soon the looser leaves the scene and she is free to enjoy Ray. Early in the relationship, Ray makes it clear that he is emotionally unavailable, but would like to continue to see our Shopgirl. There are many seemingly wonderful things that happen for the Shopgirl, and she seems to overlook the "emotionally unavailable" speech. It would seem that Ray has, too. Eventually things start to fall apart and Ray breaks her heart, but then drags it around for awhile, and Shopgirl tries to continue with this relationship. Finally, the point comes when Shopgirl decides to trade the fake romance in and take on the hurt of love lost. She enters into a new relationship with a young and eager to love guy (formerly known as goofy looser dude). They have each been broken, and this time around they slowly extend more of their hearts to on another, and this is the relationship that eclipses Ray. "Yeah," for the Shopgirl and "Yeah," for Jeremy. So sad for Ray.

So there I sat, up against the wall. I felt myself pressing closer to the wall at times. I had a Ray (funny, most Ray's turn out to be the one that you don't want anyone to know about)...he wasn't 50 something, but he was older and "emotionally unavailable." I was young and waiting to be noticed and wanted. He noticed and he wanted. I decided that was enough; better than nothing at all, right? Don't feel sorry for me. I don't feel sorry for Shopgirl. I was an adult, I was young, but I did have some choices. I just chose to ignore some issues.

At this point, if you are a girl reading this, don't respond out of loneliness and desperation, by settling on a relationship. When you are desperate and lonely, call on your true friends. The people who love you and would fight tooth and nail for you. You shouldn't have to settle for ANYTHING. There is a man out there that will "leap tall buildings in a single bound" for you. OK, that might be impossible, but there is a man that will rise to the occassion because of you and only for you. He will protect your heart.

For all you fellas out there, well I hope you never become a Ray. It was quite sad to watch how much Ray really did want to emotionally connect, but instead to protect himself, kept this beauty at a distance, thus hurting her and losing out on something wonderful for himself. You should know that there is a Beauty out there for you. Do you want anyone else hurting her right now? Further more, do you really want a girl to settle for you because she's desperate, and then lies to her friends about you? Don't you want to be the man that eclipses all other lovers?

Strangely enough I appreciated the movie (obviously). It didn't make me feel that hot, but there were somethings for me to consider and I think to share with you.