Shutting Down.

I’m way too plugged in. I’m missing out.
If I pull the plug, will I miss out.

Shutting down is something really scary.
It's really something scary how shut down I am.

I see a new side of you,
But I never see you.

Connected disconnect.
Disconnecting the connectivity.

Longing for the contact.
Not this intercourse, void of touch.

An hour, maybe two, spilling my guts out to you.
Really I want to fill my gut alongside you.

It’s being something in effect,
Not existing in the definite.

Authentic as a cover model;
Every blemish counted absent.

Infinite neighborhood,
Without the hassle of community.

Staying.
Leaving.

It’s really something scary.

All this to say…

It's time to give up the blog.
Instead I'll go for a jog.

The discourse is nice,
But what I’m after is the life spice.

That’s you and that's me,
Talking over tea and coffee.


That’s me saying the wrong thing,
And being present for your bellowing.

That’s hearing the laughter that creates your smile,
And learning how to stay and listen for a longer while.

That’s a hug for when you cry,
And an eyeroll to go with the big sigh.

Now I feel the rambling has gone one quite long enough,
And all I really want is to get up off of my duff.

Your results:
You are Green Lantern?

Green Lantern 75% Superman 70% Supergirl 68% Hulk 65% The Flash 65% Iron Man 65% Wonder Woman 53% Batman 50% Catwoman 45% Spider-Man 40% Robin 30%

Hot-headed. You have strong will power and a good imagination.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz


Of all the superheroes, I know the least about Green Lantern. Hmmm????

Jesus: Rebel With A Cause vs Know-it-All

Jesus: Rebel With A Cause vs Know-it-All

"I see Jesus as absolutely being rebellious. That is what got him killed."

Oh? I read this a while back on a blogpost comment. I'm not critizing the author, it just made me think a little. Jesus was a rebel? And that's what got him killed? Or was Jesus a know it all and that pissed off the cool kids (the Pharisees), so they lynched the new kid (Jesus) who might usurp their status (which ultimately He did).

Jesus came to fulfill the Old Testament, to complete it, not rebel against it, or replace it. The Pharisees, so full of themselves and their knowledge, had badly misunderstood, misinterpreted, and misrepresented God's teaching. Jesus corrected them. How many of us like the correction, reality check, questioning, "constructive criticism"?

Grow Up.

The 12 Steps


We admitted we:
1. Were powerless over our addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs

Maybe you think it strange that I put The 12 Steps under a post titled 'Grow Up.' Recently, well maybe not so recently, now that I think about it, I've come to realize that every single person is an addict. Some are addicted to ETOH, some to the medicine chest, some to the street drugs, some to food, some to the lack of food, some to porn, some to pride, some to ego, some to power, some to money, some to sex, some to violence, some to tobacco, some to pop culture, some to shopping, some to toys, some to gambling, some to _____________.

Really it all boils down to addiction to self. Ironic, how addiction to self is so self-descructive. We can all recognize this damage...because again, it's about self. I think we should all live The 12 Steps.

Most of the people I know, self included, are very good at 1-5*, along with 10-12*. "1-5" I screwed up, I'm human (aka I'm not perfect and it's not all my fault), and sharing these screw ups with a good friend helps (in various healthy/self serving ways). "10-12" I know I will screw up again(no pressure/responsibility), it's great to be in God's precense, and of course I want to share with others (boast/seek attention), and mentor others (influence/control). (*Note, I do not understand these steps on quite this shallow of a level, I just think they are the steps that are easier to point to and (ab)use when we are not grown up.)

It's tricky little 6, 7, 8, and 9 that's hard. These steps are what I see as the 'Grow Up' phase. This phase is where I actually have to give up (self) control and let God do His thing; no more "moral inventory" or confessing; no more pondering; no more focusing. Doing. (Sounds like like a short green guy in the swamps of Degobah.) This is also the phase where self actually has to take ownership for self's treatment of others. I have to stop and think about my history of addiction (my past) and think about all of the people that I screwed up while I was screwed up. I have to make direct amends.

I have to make direct amends. Do you know what this means? I looked it up: amends-a restituion of wrong. That means I did something wrong. I own that something wrong. I own it, even though I've recognized my powerlessness over my addiction, believed that a Greater Power can restore me, made the decision to give my will over to the care of God. I've done a moral inventory, given it to God, asked Him (humbly) to remove my shortcomings, but I still own this wrong.

I have to make direct amends. Amends- a restitution of wrong. Next I looked up restitution: 1. giving back-the return of something to its rightful owner; 2. paying back-compensation for a loss, damage, or injury; 3. restoration-the return of something to the condition it was in before it was changed. I own this wrong, and I have to go directly to the person I have wronged and make it right.

Talk about daunting. It's not just an "I'm sorry." It's not an email, voicemail, card in the mail, blog, drunk-call, hang out over a beer (yeah that would be bad for a true AA thing). It is an in person interaction. I have to not only admit my wrong, but I have to find out from that person how I can restore what I changed (damaged).

I wish I had some nice little sum it up, but I'm just going to leave this right here, unfinished.

Blueberry Brie Chicken

Think of your favorite restaurant. I'm not talking about where you go because it's cheap, or close, or the place you go because your friends are there. I'm talking about YOUR favorite restaurant. Now think of your favorite item on the menu. If you're anything like me, you have a favorite dish at the favorite restaurant. Once I get it in my head that I'm going to a certain place, I usually already have made my dinner decision. Here's an example; I'm going to Arnold's in downtown Cincinnati; I immediately think of the blueberry brie chicken. My mouth is watering. 9 times out of 10 I will go for the blueberry brie chicken, but every once in awhile I’ll take a look at the menu. Oh, maybe the wild mushroom ravioli catches my eye, or the fresh catch of the day, and I veer off the beaten path for something new, something different.

Well gang, I have to say that this happens to me in more areas than just my restaurant/menu life. It happens in my activities life, my professional life, my spiritual life, my social life, and my love life. I have started, stopped, picked it up again, stopped again, thrown it to the curb, and gone back to the store to buy it all over again, stopped it again, started it again, with so many areas of my life. What about you?

The funny thing is, even while I’m contemplating something different on the menu, I know that I want the blueberry brie chicken. It makes me very sad, when I go for the “new” and “different” and realize, as I partake, that I really still prefer the blueberry brie chicken, and wish that I had chosen it this time, too.

Don't Miss It!

On Wednesday, April 5, 2006, at two minutes and

three seconds after 1:00 AM

in the morning, the time and date will be

01:02:03 04/05/06

This will never happen again. Don't miss it...

The Innocents

Recently, I went to The Contemporary Arts Center located in downtown Cincinnati, Ohio. If you haven't been there, you should check it out. The building itself is amazing. I recommend stopping in the resource center and watching the Zaha Hadid interview. She is the designing architect. I could get lost in conversations about design. Alas, I digress.

So this past weekend, I went to CAC for the first time. All of the shows are temporary exhibits (which I'm thrilled about), and we viewed the works of Tony Oursler, exhibits Gadgets and The Whole World is Rotten, The UnMuseum, and The Innocents, a collection of works by Taryn Simon.


The Innocents was beautifully and powerfully done. The bold images drew me in. I read the commentary for each work and then just looked into the eyes of the subjects. What went through their minds as they stood in that strange, yet significant place. Were they at peace with the hand that life had dealt them? Would they ever be? What if I were in the series? Would I be grateful or resentful? I thought about how they must have been abandoned and abused. I wondered how difficult it was to adjust to prison, and then to adjust to the free world again. As I sit and ponder over their stories and images now, I wonder what it was like to be found guilty of a crime that one did not commit. To be found guilty of raping a minor, robbery, murder, kidnapping.... What was that first night as a "convicted felon" like? What went through their minds as they lay on their bunk, trying to sleep.

There is one image that gets me the most. It is a picture of a man standing with his arm around a woman. My mind quickly assumed they were a couple, and then I read the caption. She was a rape victim, and she had misidentified him. He was later released related to DNA evidence. Wow, would I be able to forgive someone who had made the mistake of MY life? Just think for years I was in prison, my family (a)shamed, my picture on some sex offenders webpage, all the friends in the community fading from the picture, but here this guy is with his arm around this woman. Now what if I were the woman? How the heck could I face this man, who I put away? How in the world would I ever be able to face him? I don't think I would ever feel that any apology I offered would be good enough, but there she is, comfortably standing next to him.

God did this for us. He was found guilty of a crime that was not His. He went through the conviction, the humiliation, the abuse, and the death penalty, all the while interceding for us, asking His Father to forgive us, and once He "got out" He stilled loved us more than we can deserve or understand.

N@#$%, and Wet$%^&, and Ch!#$%, Oh My!

The FO and I stepped out last night and
went to N*W*C-The Race Show. It was great!
If you ever get the chance to see it, do.

I don't know what I enjoyed more, the
players, or the audience. It was such a
diverse crowd; different races, professions,
educations, lifestyles, and ages. After the
show they had a Q&A with the players.
(The show is autobiographical.) The
audience had about 30 minutes to ask
questions. After that the players hung out in
the lobby. All of the interaction was great, but
the entire evening, I just kept wondering, how
do we get this particular group of people to get
together on a regular basis and listen to and
learn about each other and work on ways to
really make a difference in Cincinnati.