I never even knew I wanted one...

...but just think of all the cool things you could haul on your bike...all my Findlay Market findings, a friend after one too many at O'Malley's in the Alley, lots of Cincinnati Library books, camping gear from Benchmark (yeah, that would be a haul), picnic stuffs for park night on the Ohio River, recycling for the bin a 1/2 mile away by the 4th Street Elementary school, carry out Dewey's Pizza, bottles and bottles of Luzon Verde from the Party Source, my gym bag to Urban Active, ham and gruyere croissants for a month from Cafe Greenup, original art from Pendleton Art Center's Final Friday, several pounds of coffee beans from Taza, all my running needs from Meters and Miles, and of course something green from Park+Vine. The real question would be, "Will Reser put my Madsen winnings together for me when it shows up in a box?"

**Hey, if I have to plug Madsen to get a chance to win....I feel like others should get a plug, too.

So I'm enjoying the view...

...and then my buddy runs up and shoves me over the edge. Mountain top experience over.

Love 'n some paint

Enjoy...

John Butler Trio

The Republicrat Dynasty

Miss Keys

So I really enjoyed this song and this performance, but evidently MTV doesn't want bloggers to promote it. If you want to see it, check out mtv.com (Sorry, Rose.)

Big Bridge Little Shade

That's the Native American name for todays run.

I'm soaking in the irony of finally (as in today at 3:15pm) wanting (couldn't resist) to run again after almost 4 months of burnout.

That translates into:

I'm soaking in sweat today at 4:00pm, after running 4 miles in "98'F feels like 103'F," (weather.com), and now I'm burning up.

Pointillism

"Pointillism is a style of painting in which small distinct points of primary colors create the impression of a wide selection of secondary colors. The technique relies on the perceptive ability of the eye and mind of the viewer to mix the color spots into a fuller range of tones, and is related closely to Divisionism, a more technical variant of the method." --Wikipedia



Sunday Afternoon on the Island of the Grande Jatte (approx 3,456,000 dots)--Georges Seurat

Here are a few close up details for your further appreciation of the method...





Today I came across this photo from Jacksonville Beach in Florida.Don't you think it would be a fantastic beach scene for a Georges Seurat work? Sunbathers on the beach, enjoying the water, the sky, the seaspray, the sand, the grasses, the rooftops and trees in the distance, and all the colors of the bicycles, the towels, the umbrellas...

Sweet...

Letter from my friend

So I have a lot on my mind these days related to this letter, and a few others. I thought about telling Amy's story, but this is the best way to share it. There will be a few things to follow related to this, but I'll begin with this letter from my friend.

Well here goes…my first big letter to the better chunk of my contact list, because inquiring minds want to know…

Many of you may not know that I was diagnosed with cervical cancer last week. Big bummer! Given the circumstances, I think things are going very well. God is taking great care of me. I have the best possible husband available on this planet. I’m so thankful for his love and support. My mom basically moved back in. For those of you who don’t know, my sister Natalie stole her several years ago. ….I tell you …what I had to do just to get her back for a while. She and my buddy Carol redecorated my study in an afternoon using mostly stuff we had around the house. I felt like I was on Trading Spaces or Design on a Dime or something. You should see it. It’s a wonderful little nest for me to recover in.

I had an outpatient surgery two days ago to better determine how far this nasty little cancer has spread. It was my first time to go under general anesthesia. I was scared, but as it turns out it was no big deal. The harder part for me was getting the results last night. The little buggers are already into my lymph system. That buys me a PET scan next week to get a better idea if they’ve spread to my lymph nodes and other abdominal areas. That wasn’t the news I wanted to here. However, this is still a very treatable thing. And, not to brag or anything, but I’m kind of used to hanging out on the better end of statistical charts. J

If the PET Scan or CAT Scan shows that it has spread, I think I start radiation and chemo next week. If my hair falls out, expect a picture of me and Dirk with our bald heads for Christmas this year. Don’t forget to tell me how cute I am bald. If the scans don’t show spread, there will be no radiation or chemo, but I win a hysterectomy that could have up to a 10 week recovery time!! It sounds like an eternity to me. I’m really not very good at staying home, let alone lying around. I guess it’s time to learn to be still. It’s a spiritual discipline that I’ve been interested in for quite some time.

For those of you that didn’t know, I’ve been home schooling Ben, Nick and Emily for the last year. Because God takes such good care of us, I was able to reenroll them at North Avondale Montessori, their former school where you typically need to camp out over night to be on a waiting list to get in. They are all settled in their classes and are doing well. What a blessing that is.

There are so many people who have offered to help. I feel incredibly loved and cared for. And, there really are things that I would love for you to help me with. Many of them are not the usual things that cancer patients ask for. Here are some thoughts:

(Very regular one – but MOST IMPORTANT) Please pray for me and my family as we get used to our new situation.

(Again quite standard) For those of you who have offered to make meals for my small army, you’re brave. Contact Carol Brammer at cbrammer@comey.com She has a freezer in her basement to store them. Please avoid shrimp and peanuts. It’s so annoying when the kids blow up like balloons.

(Unusual, but incredibly important to me) As many of you know, Dirk and I are involved with D’Vine, www.dvineonline.org, a Vineyard church plant in Clifton. Let me tell you, this is not just your regular church. This is a group of people who are sold out to living their lives on purpose within a community. We don’t want to have a church. We want to BE the church. We exist to show love in practical ways to the Clifton community, the city and the world. I tell you, I really think Jesus would like this kind of church. Many people at D’Vine have uprooted their lives and consider themselves to be missionaries to this community. It’s great to be a part of something like that. D’Vine wants to be a blessing to the community. One of the ways we want to do that is by creating a safe place for people to come and connect with others. Sociologists call them third spaces. They aren’t our homes and they aren’t our businesses or government spaces…just places where we can belong and connect with others. I had a dream about this kind of thing over 6 years ago. At the time I thought it was a soda shop. It is a big part of why we moved into the city. We are in the process of starting a coffee house…not an overtly Christian coffee house…but a gathering spot for people to connect. My friend Carol has a coffee house, Brutopia on Ludlow in Clifton, and I love knowing that there’s a place where I can go and be known by the people there and belong, especially now that I have cancer. Carol overheard a person in her store who was trying to quit smoking say, “I came to my favorite place, because I didn’t know where to go and I knew they would support me here.” That’s the kind of place we want to create on the other side of campus. A place for people who would NEVER EVER EVER in a million years think about going to a church for support. I feel like I’m in neck deep on this project and it absolutely kills me to think that I’m going to have to chill out on this for awhile. We’re having an awesome time fixing up the building and we’re getting really close to being able to open. If anyone loves to do plumbing, electric, painting, marketing, has supplies we could use, etc….that would be the absolutely coolest thing ever. Invest in a diverse community! It’s life changing. Invest in young people. It’s life changing. Invest in authentic community! It’s life changing. My prayer is that God will show up in amazing ways in our community to unite us, empower us and resource us to fulfill this dream that we believe He put in our hearts. If you have an interest in this contact Aaron Wright at aaron@dvineonline.org Because HE’S THE MAN

Whew! Talk about some serious rambling. Are you allowed to get away with this when you have cancer? I guess I’ll find out. Seriously, I’m not emailing all of you again. Anyone who wants updates needs to [check out her update website which in under construction now]. Feel free to forward this to other people that might pray or be interested. I lost most of the Vineyard email addresses when they changed last year. If they want to be on the email list, they can email me as well. It’s ridiculously egocentric to assume you want to hear about all this. (My mom made me do it.)

I’ve spent a lot of time teaching people how to manage their money. It’s an important stewardship issue. Manage it well, but do an even better job with your time. What a priceless gift we all have today. I’m going to the Children’s museum with my beautiful kids. There will probably be some ice cream involved as well…all organic with lots of vitamins for you health nuts.

Amy

You, Me, and The Flying Pig

So I'm running The Pig on May 6th. It's a lot of training and work, so I decided if a huge part of my time was going to go to this, it should go to helping others, doing something more than checking off the "Ran a marathon" box on my life list.

I am trainning with and raising funds with Team in Training for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. The money we raise will go towards patient support, advocacy, research, and public and professional education as it all relates to blood cell cancers.

My fundraising goal is $1400 by April 13th. So far (01/01/2007) I have about $330. I would love for you to visit my Team in Training webpage and make a donation; and tell all your friends (Blogger, Xanga, MySpace, or otherwise). You can donate $1 or $1 meellllion dollars. You can even do it annonymously, if that's your bag baby.

Thanks for your support!

www.active.com/donate/tntsoh/CourtneyMaxie

Each Bengal Tiger Has It's Own Pattern of Stripes (or Finding Black and White in a Greyish World)

I find myself repeatedly wondering how to make sense of it all. People who believe in God. My God, your God, the “other” god, no god, some god, ‘your own, personal Jesus’ (oh wait, that’s a song, never mind)…

Today, I read someone’s blog that really challenges the thought of a book that I just finished last night. (By the way, thanks AMM for sharing your black and white with us.)

"There is one black and white issue that I will not be moved on. That is this, there is ONE Savior, ONE God, ONE Way." ---AMM


I agree with this (I think). I recently read The Life of Pi by Yann Martel, and it began to put words to the conversations and thoughts that I’ve found to be so challenging.

Life of Pi, is a fantastic read, a beautiful read, for anyone interested. I loved the thought stretching that it required, I loved the adventure, and I loved the imagery. The young boy claims to be Christian, Muslim, and Hindu. He raises a challenging thought (one that many of my friends live out or ask in one way or another). If there is only one God, wouldn't all religions (namely Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, and Judaism) lead to the one and only God?

Anyway, I'm writing this not to start a huge ugly back and forth, but I would like to hear more thoughts on this; not who’s right and who’s wrong, but how you personally have come to your current conclusions (about the big statement/question and/or the book or simply, which title you think I should have chosen).




PS If anyone would like to read through this together and discuss it along the way, let me know (blog me, email me, or call me). I'll read it again, and probably again, but probably not again again again.

Summer Sabbatical Summarized Scrapbook Style (In no particular order)

My Summer...

1. Started training for the Columbus Marathon (popping the marathon cherry in Columbus)
2. Read: DaVinci Code, Monster, The Four Loves, some Sherlock Holmes, The Life of Pi, and lots of newspapers
3. Completed an insane yardsale for a fundraiser.
4. Began running on Sundays with the local run club.
5. Other Movies: Break Up, Saw, The Ringer, Red Eye, The Jacket, Eon Flux, The Aviator, The Departed, Pirates, Little Miss Sunshine, Super Size Me, Borat, to name a few





6. Expanded my circle of friends.
7. Played tennis on clay for the first time (popped the clay court cherry in Cincy!)
8. Started the Spring off with an awesome, awesome pedicure (later trashed it;
see 1, 4, 7, and 9) .
9. Summer kickball league! Finally got to play, instead of just being a beer buddy.
10. Laughed on the inside while helping the FO pick out "gear" for his first post USMC camping trip..."It's civilian, honey, not tactical. Remember, 'So and So' will be there, and I heard he wanted to get a hotel room." Ok, that was mean. Sorry (if you know who you are), but it did run through my mind.


11. Found out that "foot ass" pizza doesn't taste like it smells.
12. Roadtrip to Chi town. Love Chi town!
13. Took the GRE, not.
14. First trips to Findlay Market...awesome!
15. Discovered a really great $10 quiche.




16. Great Movie Event: Nacho Libre!!!!
17. Ate a coney with Cincinnati Chili, over on the Westside (and liked it, sort of... I'm not too crazy about the boiled/steamed hotdog).
18. Discovered Putz's (est in 1938), hence #17.
19. Remember those matchbox cars that when you crashed them the side would flip around to show the damage? I found a way to do that with my car...only I can't get it to flip around to the nicer side again.



20. Demolished an apartment.
21. Drove Bragg's car (even after 19). I love driving that car!
22. Discovered my urban world funk identity...
23. Got over a strange crush.
24. Ironic moment #1: I'm driving through downtown Cincinnati 5:20 pm on a Wednesday and what do I see? A woman with a cast on her left leg, jaywalking on Reading right before Eggleston. Maybe she can get a matching set.
25. Ironic moment #2: A flat chested (no chested) sales clerk found the perfect fit swim suit for me.
26. Ironic moment #3: I ironed one of The FO's work shirts.
27. Learned how to tile.









28. Random Thought #1: Contemplated the risks of waxing certain areas after using a self tanner for two weeks....hmmm?
29. Random Thought #2: Contemplated what would happen if a particular sister dated a particular friend. It was really scary and I think it would end poorly. Good thing they don't know each other and they live about 2000 miles apart. (Whew, that was close!)
30. Helped NotSoStrange paint her room...nice color.

31. Discovered some sick toys in NotSoStrange's roommates stash for her niece. What 2 year old needs a Beer Drinking Boxing Margeret Thatcher Puppet? And the person trapped in the box....that's just creepy!
32. Thanks to Da B'Jesus Pimp, I learned how to feed 60+ teenagers in 30 minutes.
33. 1st time to the Greek Festival. I'll be going back next year, because no one told me the really good stuff is inside the church!
34. Sang "Happy Birthday" at the top of my lungs (with 16 others) in the middle of a restaurant. It's fun to watch friends blush...and yes, you were blushing, Pimp!
35. Gave my nightmares to God. I'm sleeping better now.

36. Pretty sure God prompted me one morning as I drank my coffee. It was something simple for me, but significant on the other side. By the way, it was a brief and quiet prompting, so remember to take some time and just quietly sip your coffee, chai, latte, yadre matte, or sunny-D.
37. Cringed following some blogs. Like a favorite scratched record, I kept listening hoping the repeating would stop and I could hear the rest of the album.
38. Shared a book with one of my neighbors. He really enjoyed it and is planning on checking out more Donald Miller. Coolest thing, I connected with a single 60 something year old white guy. He goes for Chinese downtown every Sunday and he and I can talk about books.
39. Smiled alot every time I thought how God has answered a 6 year prayer request. Smiling now.
40. New tunes: Ben Weaver, Doveman, oh and Braggalicious;)

41. New Recipes: Roasted bell pepper dish (yummy), Chicken on the grill (love the change), trail brownies

42. Joined Team in Training. Planning on running The Flying Pig with them.
43. Hoping that a really great friend is growing during her sabbatical.
44. Trip to NYC.

45. Watched my first Bengals game last weekend at my neighborhood bar. The best play I saw happened right as a fellow patron yelled, "Don't suck!" We required that he yell, "Don't suck!" before each play.
46. Met loads of new peeps!
47. Became an aunt...yes that means that the FO is a UFO!

48. Trip to NC.
49. Discovered a wonderful (and cheap) meatball sub in Clifton (you'll have to ask, if you want to know where)
50. Went to my first Reds game.

I Must Slay The Dragon, To Save My Knight.

I want the perfect body. (Picture from Troy)
I want the perfect mind. (GoodWill Hunting?)
I want the perfect house. (Sleeping with the enemy)
I want the hero. (Gladiator)
I want the man who fights for what is right (Braveheart.)
I want the bad boy. (Collin Ferrel)
I want the gentleman. (Best Friends Wedding).
I want him to make me laugh (Wedding Crashers).
I want him to make me sigh (Match Point).
I want him to be dangerous (Departed)
I want him to be savvy (Inside Man)
I want him to be street (8 Mile).
I want him to be glam (George Clooney)
I want him to be mysterious (Johny Depp)
I want him to be cute (Ben Afleck)
I want him to be manly (Denzel Washington)
I want him to be adventurous (Horse called Edalo)...


I have created this dragon in my mind. He destroys any mere mortal by simply exhaling. Funny, what power for a ficticious creature. He is in my head, my dreams, my heart, but I can never have, hold, cherish this beast.

My knight, however, is real. He breaths, he speaks, he thinks, he loves, he messes up, he hurts, he forgives, he does the wrong things and sometimes the right things, he isn't dark or mysterious, he's only smarter than some, he doesn't have it all figured out, sometimes for him things work out,

It is quite evident that I must slay my Dragon, in order to save my knight.

Shutting Down.

I’m way too plugged in. I’m missing out.
If I pull the plug, will I miss out.

Shutting down is something really scary.
It's really something scary how shut down I am.

I see a new side of you,
But I never see you.

Connected disconnect.
Disconnecting the connectivity.

Longing for the contact.
Not this intercourse, void of touch.

An hour, maybe two, spilling my guts out to you.
Really I want to fill my gut alongside you.

It’s being something in effect,
Not existing in the definite.

Authentic as a cover model;
Every blemish counted absent.

Infinite neighborhood,
Without the hassle of community.

Staying.
Leaving.

It’s really something scary.

All this to say…

It's time to give up the blog.
Instead I'll go for a jog.

The discourse is nice,
But what I’m after is the life spice.

That’s you and that's me,
Talking over tea and coffee.


That’s me saying the wrong thing,
And being present for your bellowing.

That’s hearing the laughter that creates your smile,
And learning how to stay and listen for a longer while.

That’s a hug for when you cry,
And an eyeroll to go with the big sigh.

Now I feel the rambling has gone one quite long enough,
And all I really want is to get up off of my duff.

Your results:
You are Green Lantern?

Green Lantern 75% Superman 70% Supergirl 68% Hulk 65% The Flash 65% Iron Man 65% Wonder Woman 53% Batman 50% Catwoman 45% Spider-Man 40% Robin 30%

Hot-headed. You have strong will power and a good imagination.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz


Of all the superheroes, I know the least about Green Lantern. Hmmm????

Jesus: Rebel With A Cause vs Know-it-All

Jesus: Rebel With A Cause vs Know-it-All

"I see Jesus as absolutely being rebellious. That is what got him killed."

Oh? I read this a while back on a blogpost comment. I'm not critizing the author, it just made me think a little. Jesus was a rebel? And that's what got him killed? Or was Jesus a know it all and that pissed off the cool kids (the Pharisees), so they lynched the new kid (Jesus) who might usurp their status (which ultimately He did).

Jesus came to fulfill the Old Testament, to complete it, not rebel against it, or replace it. The Pharisees, so full of themselves and their knowledge, had badly misunderstood, misinterpreted, and misrepresented God's teaching. Jesus corrected them. How many of us like the correction, reality check, questioning, "constructive criticism"?

Grow Up.

The 12 Steps


We admitted we:
1. Were powerless over our addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs

Maybe you think it strange that I put The 12 Steps under a post titled 'Grow Up.' Recently, well maybe not so recently, now that I think about it, I've come to realize that every single person is an addict. Some are addicted to ETOH, some to the medicine chest, some to the street drugs, some to food, some to the lack of food, some to porn, some to pride, some to ego, some to power, some to money, some to sex, some to violence, some to tobacco, some to pop culture, some to shopping, some to toys, some to gambling, some to _____________.

Really it all boils down to addiction to self. Ironic, how addiction to self is so self-descructive. We can all recognize this damage...because again, it's about self. I think we should all live The 12 Steps.

Most of the people I know, self included, are very good at 1-5*, along with 10-12*. "1-5" I screwed up, I'm human (aka I'm not perfect and it's not all my fault), and sharing these screw ups with a good friend helps (in various healthy/self serving ways). "10-12" I know I will screw up again(no pressure/responsibility), it's great to be in God's precense, and of course I want to share with others (boast/seek attention), and mentor others (influence/control). (*Note, I do not understand these steps on quite this shallow of a level, I just think they are the steps that are easier to point to and (ab)use when we are not grown up.)

It's tricky little 6, 7, 8, and 9 that's hard. These steps are what I see as the 'Grow Up' phase. This phase is where I actually have to give up (self) control and let God do His thing; no more "moral inventory" or confessing; no more pondering; no more focusing. Doing. (Sounds like like a short green guy in the swamps of Degobah.) This is also the phase where self actually has to take ownership for self's treatment of others. I have to stop and think about my history of addiction (my past) and think about all of the people that I screwed up while I was screwed up. I have to make direct amends.

I have to make direct amends. Do you know what this means? I looked it up: amends-a restituion of wrong. That means I did something wrong. I own that something wrong. I own it, even though I've recognized my powerlessness over my addiction, believed that a Greater Power can restore me, made the decision to give my will over to the care of God. I've done a moral inventory, given it to God, asked Him (humbly) to remove my shortcomings, but I still own this wrong.

I have to make direct amends. Amends- a restitution of wrong. Next I looked up restitution: 1. giving back-the return of something to its rightful owner; 2. paying back-compensation for a loss, damage, or injury; 3. restoration-the return of something to the condition it was in before it was changed. I own this wrong, and I have to go directly to the person I have wronged and make it right.

Talk about daunting. It's not just an "I'm sorry." It's not an email, voicemail, card in the mail, blog, drunk-call, hang out over a beer (yeah that would be bad for a true AA thing). It is an in person interaction. I have to not only admit my wrong, but I have to find out from that person how I can restore what I changed (damaged).

I wish I had some nice little sum it up, but I'm just going to leave this right here, unfinished.

Blueberry Brie Chicken

Think of your favorite restaurant. I'm not talking about where you go because it's cheap, or close, or the place you go because your friends are there. I'm talking about YOUR favorite restaurant. Now think of your favorite item on the menu. If you're anything like me, you have a favorite dish at the favorite restaurant. Once I get it in my head that I'm going to a certain place, I usually already have made my dinner decision. Here's an example; I'm going to Arnold's in downtown Cincinnati; I immediately think of the blueberry brie chicken. My mouth is watering. 9 times out of 10 I will go for the blueberry brie chicken, but every once in awhile I’ll take a look at the menu. Oh, maybe the wild mushroom ravioli catches my eye, or the fresh catch of the day, and I veer off the beaten path for something new, something different.

Well gang, I have to say that this happens to me in more areas than just my restaurant/menu life. It happens in my activities life, my professional life, my spiritual life, my social life, and my love life. I have started, stopped, picked it up again, stopped again, thrown it to the curb, and gone back to the store to buy it all over again, stopped it again, started it again, with so many areas of my life. What about you?

The funny thing is, even while I’m contemplating something different on the menu, I know that I want the blueberry brie chicken. It makes me very sad, when I go for the “new” and “different” and realize, as I partake, that I really still prefer the blueberry brie chicken, and wish that I had chosen it this time, too.

Don't Miss It!

On Wednesday, April 5, 2006, at two minutes and

three seconds after 1:00 AM

in the morning, the time and date will be

01:02:03 04/05/06

This will never happen again. Don't miss it...

The Innocents

Recently, I went to The Contemporary Arts Center located in downtown Cincinnati, Ohio. If you haven't been there, you should check it out. The building itself is amazing. I recommend stopping in the resource center and watching the Zaha Hadid interview. She is the designing architect. I could get lost in conversations about design. Alas, I digress.

So this past weekend, I went to CAC for the first time. All of the shows are temporary exhibits (which I'm thrilled about), and we viewed the works of Tony Oursler, exhibits Gadgets and The Whole World is Rotten, The UnMuseum, and The Innocents, a collection of works by Taryn Simon.


The Innocents was beautifully and powerfully done. The bold images drew me in. I read the commentary for each work and then just looked into the eyes of the subjects. What went through their minds as they stood in that strange, yet significant place. Were they at peace with the hand that life had dealt them? Would they ever be? What if I were in the series? Would I be grateful or resentful? I thought about how they must have been abandoned and abused. I wondered how difficult it was to adjust to prison, and then to adjust to the free world again. As I sit and ponder over their stories and images now, I wonder what it was like to be found guilty of a crime that one did not commit. To be found guilty of raping a minor, robbery, murder, kidnapping.... What was that first night as a "convicted felon" like? What went through their minds as they lay on their bunk, trying to sleep.

There is one image that gets me the most. It is a picture of a man standing with his arm around a woman. My mind quickly assumed they were a couple, and then I read the caption. She was a rape victim, and she had misidentified him. He was later released related to DNA evidence. Wow, would I be able to forgive someone who had made the mistake of MY life? Just think for years I was in prison, my family (a)shamed, my picture on some sex offenders webpage, all the friends in the community fading from the picture, but here this guy is with his arm around this woman. Now what if I were the woman? How the heck could I face this man, who I put away? How in the world would I ever be able to face him? I don't think I would ever feel that any apology I offered would be good enough, but there she is, comfortably standing next to him.

God did this for us. He was found guilty of a crime that was not His. He went through the conviction, the humiliation, the abuse, and the death penalty, all the while interceding for us, asking His Father to forgive us, and once He "got out" He stilled loved us more than we can deserve or understand.

N@#$%, and Wet$%^&, and Ch!#$%, Oh My!

The FO and I stepped out last night and
went to N*W*C-The Race Show. It was great!
If you ever get the chance to see it, do.

I don't know what I enjoyed more, the
players, or the audience. It was such a
diverse crowd; different races, professions,
educations, lifestyles, and ages. After the
show they had a Q&A with the players.
(The show is autobiographical.) The
audience had about 30 minutes to ask
questions. After that the players hung out in
the lobby. All of the interaction was great, but
the entire evening, I just kept wondering, how
do we get this particular group of people to get
together on a regular basis and listen to and
learn about each other and work on ways to
really make a difference in Cincinnati.

A Fast Without God?

http://moneycentral.msn.com/content/Savinganddebt/Savemoney/P148573.asp

Happy Birthday, Fuller!

Steve, our card for you is at the bottom of the page...scroll down.

love,

thegirl and The FO

It's Not What I Do; It's How I Am.

Don't

Don't put me in any more categories!

I'm so sick of it!

Stop sticking me in the neat little box!

You can't know a thing about me,

The way you limit and suffocate me.

So You Go And You Stand On Your Own

I couldn't have said it better...


I am the son, I am the heir,
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar,
I am the son and heir,
Of nothing in particular,

You shut your mouth
how can you say,
I go about things the wrong way,
I am human and I need to be loved,
just like everybody else does,

I am the son, and the heir,
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar,
I am the son and heir,
Of nothing in particular,

You shut your mouth
how can you say,
I go about things the wrong way,
I am human and I need to be loved,
just like everybody else does,

There's a club if you'd like to go,
you could meet some body who really loves you,
so you go and you stand on your own,
and you leave on your own,
and you go home and you cry
and you want to die.

When you say its going to happen "now",
well when exactly do you mean?
see I've already waited too long,
and all my hope is gone,

You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and i need to be loved
Just like everybody else does

---Morrissey - How Soon is Now?

Last Year's Toy This November

How my heart breaks for you,
longs for you.

The fear is so real.
The fear that I'll never again hear your voice,
never again see your smile,
never again with you share a day,
never again,
no never again.

The thought of you,
the idea of you,
the dream of you,
only a fairytale,
just a mere fairytale.
Something we believed as children,
something that now we must let go.

Why do I want you so?
God has given me many others to replace you,
Many others that are wonderful,
Many others that love me,
but my heart breaks for you,
longs for you.

It feels so wrong to write you off,
like last year's toy when it's this November.
Am I so wrong to write you off?
I'm last year's toy on the shelf this November.
Do I just shut up and sit here?
Do I just collect all the dust?
Do I wait for you to remember me?
I wonder if you will remember me.

A Must See...

Nominated for the 3rd annual Las Vegas Film Critics Society awards.

New York Times, Lawrence Van Gelder,
"'Trekkies,' directed and edited by Roger Nygard, is a disarming documentary that takes a good-natured look at the hold that the 1966 television series and its sequels and film incarnations exert over millions of fans."

Boston Herald, Renee Graham,
***,
"Making fun of Trekkies...has always been rather like shooting fish in a barrel. ... So it says an awful lot about Roger Nygard's often-hilarious look at the 30-years-and-counting Star Trek phenomenon, and its fans in particular, that 'Trekkies' never really feels like a put down. It's all pretty funny, to be sure, but Nygard isn't so much interested in making fun of Trekkies as in taking a lighthearted look at their particular world, and just how far some have gone to honor their favorite television show. In 'Trekkies,' you can laugh with them, even as you're laughing at them." "The Trekkie phenomenon may fall short of common definitions of normalcy, but as a film, 'Trekkies' sure beats sleeping outside for days to see a mediocre movie about some galaxy far, far away."


The Cincinnati Enquirer, Margaret A. McGurk,
***,
"...a funny, far-ranging look at Trek fandom in all its eccentric glory. ...an utterly winning documentary based on repeated expeditions into the far horizons of Star Trek fandom. ... The filmmakers, alternately tickled and amazed at what they saw, returned from their mission with an affectionate, loopy and often hilarious portrait of a world unto itself. I say, don't let 'Trekkies' pass you by, this movie is more fun than a barrel of Tribbles."


San Francisco Bay Guardian, Arne Johnson,
"...an uncomfortably hilarious experience.... While delving into extremes that will make you laugh and possibly even scoff, Trekkies illuminates a kind of community that isn't that far from the rest of us. ... You will be astounded by many of the fans in this film...."



USA Today, Andy Seller,
***,
Director Roger Nygard's prime directive is to paint an affectionate, even sentimental portrait of the fans, no matter how weird they get on him. It's nice to be nice, but a little more deadpan wit and a little less mush would have made this movie a classic. Several characters cry out for a sharper satiric edge along the lines of 'Roger & Me' or Comedy Central's 'The Daily Show.' Instead there is much footage of cast members discussing what a wonderful thing Star Trek is and how the films and TV shows have given fans a reason to live. The stars never discuss the field that they obviously know best: the science of face-lifts and toupees. Oh, well."

Confucius Says on Candy Heart...

Your Candy Heart Says "Get Real"

You're a bit of a cynic when it comes to love.You don't lose your head, and hardly anyone penetrates your heart. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: is all about the person you're seeing (with no mentions of v-day!) Your flirting style: honest and even slightly sarcastic What turns you off: romantic expectations and "greeting card" holidays Why you're hot: you don't just play hard to get - you are hard to get

Really? They can fit all that on a candy heart?

Think About It...

Went to a great place with great friends, and listened to a great band. They sang these lyrics that made me stop and think about it...

"My name is Judas. Someone had to be me."

The Fairytale

I recently came across this song. Click on the picture and listen for yourself. Initially it sounded like an angry girl with a broken heart expelling her tendernesses toward some guy(those are a dime a dozen). I can think of times that I have felt this way, but over the past few years I've had a lot of healing in my heart towards those people. Anyway...

For whatever reason I was in a 'must read the lyrics' mode the other evening, so I looked them up. As I read through the lyrics, I found all sorts of relationships running through my head-- friendships that failed, dysfunction in my family, co-workers that I could have reached out to, me and God, people to who I was down right mean , and the ones that were mean to me.

The thoughts that saddened my heart, were the relationships that I have with or don't really have with 3 key people in my life. Lately I've felt 'But now we're not, Now it's not anything at all.' And I positively agree that 'The hardest part was getting this close to you, and giving up this dream I built with you. A fairytale that isn't coming true.' Oh how I wish things had turned out different with these people. I find myself always hoping that everything will turn out OK in the end, and we'll get to experience the fairytale.


Wishes

The saddest thing is you could be anything that you could want
We could have been everything
But now we’re not
Now it’s not anything at all

The hardest part was getting this close to you
And giving up this dream I built with you
A fairytale that isn’t coming true
You’ve got some growing up to do

CHORUS:
I wish we could have worked it out
I wish I didn’t have these doubts
I wish I didn’t have to wonder just what you are doing now

I wish I didn’t know inside
That it won’t work out for you and I
I wish that I could stop this wishing
And just say my last goodbye

After all the things you put me through
Tell me why I’m still in love with you
And why am I, why am I still waiting for your call

You broke my heart
I’m taking it back from you
I’m taking back the life that I gave to you
Life goes on before and after you
I’ve got some growing up to do…
CHORUS

It’s time I said my last goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye
It’s time I said my last goodbye…
CHORUS

It’s time I said my last goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye
It’s time I said my last goodbye

Gotta wash that man right out of my...

Ok, so this thought came to mind this evening, "I don't trust men." Whoa! What the? Girl, what's going on?

I'm married for pete's sake! I love my husband, I love my dad, God is my Father, and I have male friends who I sincerely care about, so how can I have issues with men!

Actually it's pretty easy for me to answer that question. I felt the brunt of being "just a girl" at a very young age; on the playground. I wanted to play sports and I was picked last, not because I was slow or weak or whatever, just because I was something called "a girl." I mean really, at 5 and 6 years old, is there a huge difference? I was faster than most of the boys and I was happy to knock as many of them down as possible. And you know something else? When you are a girl in grade school and you get in trouble for fighting on the playground, the principle gives you lines full of how "nice little girls" should behave. (Excuse me I forgot it was wear pink and carry my Barbie doll around day.) OK, so that crap that every other tom-boy had to deal with is obvious. Later, I was burned a bit, by being a late bloomer. I loved not having to deal with the "blooming" drama that I watched my classmates and teammates going through, but I hated the fact that the guys didn't really notice me as a girl. During this time there was also fear. Fear of losing my spot on the track team, because our coach, he would always tell us how much it would slow us down when we started to "develop."

Ok, so when the development part happened, I caught up almost overnite what I had lacked for years. I hated it. It was bad enough that my clothes just weren't working out for me anymore, and I had to wear these hellish contraptions, but all the guys noticed and didn't even try to be suave about it. "Nice tits." (But if I throw him on the ground and kick his ass, I'll be suspended.) So basically the attention I was getting from guys was overtly sexual, unwelcome, and unrelenting.

Finally, I got to college, where all of the growing up drama was behind everyone. Yeah! Time to move on as a normal person. Although I still had a lot of vengeful anger to get rid of. I learned very quickly in my freshman year, that college boys are easy. It was easy to get phone calls, easy to get free meals, easy to get free entertainment, easy to get their attention, easy to pick 'em up, and easy to drop 'em. It became a little game..."who is the biggest challenge to date?" I dated a guy for a bit and then dated his roommate, dated a divorced guy in graduate school, then dated 2 of his fraternity brothers, went on 4 dates in one day (lunch, putt-putt and coffee, dinner and movie, and then bar hopping), went on a date with one guy, met one of his professors that night, and then went out with the prof the next weekend.

So I was mistreated by 'em, didn't trust 'em, then I used 'em and probably wasn't honest with 'em...ironic. No wonder I have trust issues. Now, I'm unpacking all the untrusting and dishonest baggage that I collected and trying to start anew, clean and Downy Mountain Air fresh. Thanks God for laundry days.

My Confession: I'm Not Watching The State of The Union Address Tonight

So I'm not watching the State of the Union Address tonight , and I'll tell you why.

President Bush will say a lot of things that sound really good, afterwards the opponents will make their criticizing comments that will also sound really good, and tomorrow more than likely, none of it will come to fruition.

I think it's much more interesting that today was Mr. Greenspan's last day with the Federal Reserve, the day that Judge Alito was sworn in as the 110th Supreme Court Justice, and the final day for a remarkable woman, Coretta Scott King.

As for the State of the Union, let me know how it went. I'm ordering Chinese and getting a movie... see ya!

Who's God?

Dialogue from "The Island"

Lincoln 6 Echo (E. McGregor): Who's God?

McCord (S. Buscemi): *thinking* Well, you know how when you want something real bad and you close your eyes and wish real hard for it?"

Lincoln 6 Echo: *gets it* Yeah!

McCord: God is the guy who ignores you.


So now I ask you, 'Who's God?'

She Will Be Loved

Ephesians 3:17-18 (New Living Translation)
17And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts as you trust in him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love. 18And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love really is.


Yes, Jesus loves her! He loves her director, loves her photographer, loves the video store owner, loves the video watcher, loves you, loves me, loves the liars, loves the bigots, loves President Bush, loves Senator Clinton, loves Pat Robertson, loves the cheaters, loves the pimps, loves Jim and Tammy Baker, loves the passive aggressives, loves the high rollers, loves the "godhatesfags" people, loves the antisocials, loves the pregnant teen and the boy who denies knocking her up, he loves the aborted baby, the abortionist, the assisting nurse, the girl in the stirrups, the friend sitting in the waiting room, the parent who gave her the condoms, the parent you gave her the boot, the pro-choice lobbyist, the pro-life lobbyist, and the crowd outside the clinic screaming "you're going to hell for this." He loves you, He loves me (incase you missed it the first time). He loves the drunkard that mowed down the cute little kid down the street. He loves the judge who gave him 2 years probation. He loves the cute little kid. He loves the cute little kid's mom who swallowed a bottle of everything to make the pain stop. He loves the devastated man.

I think you get the point...but if for some reason you don't, read and watch all the bad news that you can find and then spend a couple of moments sitting and just thinking about all of those children that God loves. Did you hear me? Jesus loves the little children, ALL the children of the world.

Do you remember this song?

Jesus calls the children dear,
“Come to me and never fear,
For I love the little children of the world;
I will take you by the hand,
Lead you to the better land,
For I love the little children of the world.”

Refrain (for kids this means, sing it as loud as possible)

Jesus loves the little children,
All the children of the world.
Red and yellow, black and white,
All are precious in His sight,
Jesus loves the little children of the world.

Alternate refrain (they never taught this one in VBS, so we just hummed along):

Jesus died for all the children,
All the children of the world.
Red and yellow, black and white,
All are precious in His sight,
Jesus died for all the children of the world.]

Jesus is the Shepherd true,
And He’ll always stand by you,
For He loves the little children of the world;
He’s a Savior great and strong,
And He’ll shield you from the wrong,
For He loves the little children of the world.

Refrain

I am coming, Lord, to Thee,
And Your soldier I will be,
For You love the little children of the world;
And Your cross I’ll always bear,
And for You I’ll do and dare,
For You love the little children of the world.

Refrain

...or this one...

Jesus loves me! This I know,
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong;
They are weak, but He is strong.

Refrain (Remember, sing it as loud as you possibly can!)

Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me! This I know,
As He loved so long ago,
Taking children on His knee,
Saying, “Let them come to Me.”


Refrain

Jesus loves me still today,
Walking with me on my way,
Wanting as a friend to give
Light and love to all who live.

Refrain

Jesus loves me! He who died
Heaven’s gate to open wide;
He will wash away my sin,
Let His little child come in.

Refrain

Jesus loves me! He will stay
Close beside me all the way;
Thou hast bled and died for me,
I will henceforth live for Thee.

Refrain


*This stan­za from the orig­in­al is com­mon­ly omit­ted in hymn­als:

Jesus loves me! Loves me still,
Though I’m very weak and ill,
That I might from sin be free
Bled and died upon the tree.





Isaiah wrote, "He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." (Isaiah 40:11)

An anonymous Eastern traveler told of witnessing what the prophet described.
"One shepherd led his flock by a zigzag path, up the almost perpendicular bank of the glen. Behind it two young lambs trotted gaily along at the feet of their mother. At first they frisked about and jumped lightly from stone to stone; but soon they began to fall behind. The poor little things cried piteously when the path became steeper and the rocks higher, and the flock more distant. The mother cried too, running back and forth - now lingering behind, now hasting on before, as if to wile them upwards. It was in vain. The ascent was too much for their feeble limbs. They stopped, trembling on the shelving cliff, and cried; the mother stopped and cried by their side. I thought they would certainly be lost; and I saw the great eagles that soared in great circles around the cliff far overhead, swooping lower and lower, as if to pounce upon their prey. But no! The plaintive cries of distress had already reached the ear of the good shepherd. Mounting a rock, he looked down, and saw the helpless little ones. A minute more, and he was standing by them. Then taking them up in his arms, he put them - one on each side - in his bosom, in the ample folds of his coat, which was bound round the waist by a girdle" ('The Pulpit Commentary'; Isaiah; Vol. II; P. 93).

So now I have to ask myself, can I look at these people and cry to The Shepherd like the mother lamb, or will I circle and wait for the perfect opportunity to pounce like the great eagle? Can I love her? What about you?

Thank God, she was loved by Him, she is loved by Him, and she will be loved by Him.

Fear and Training Wheels

I watched as my dad took the training wheels off my bike. I threw my leg over the bike and then stood there with my feet touching the ground. I could feel the sweat on my hands, the warmth up the back of my neck, and a tightness in my stomach. The moment had come for me to either try to ride this bike or drop it in the street and run and always wonder what it would have been like to ride the bike my father had taught me to ride. Well I took off and Dad was right behind me. I busted my knees a few times, cried from the sting on my knee (frustration and embarrassment), got a band-aid, and tried again. Every time he helped me climb back on and every time he cheered me on.



Eventually, I was tearing through the neighborhood with my friends, thinking we were rulers of the world (not poor little kids with banged up knees), as we splashed through mud puddles, tore through the neighbors’ back yards, and raced the setting sun home! Those streets and alleys and muddy yards were ours for the taking! (Excuse me while I go paint my face blue and white...Freedom!!!)



Looking back, I wish I would have taken my own life lessons to heart and experienced the freedom and adventure that comes with walking away from fear. I have recently been thinking about fear and freedom. This started a several days ago observing and listening to others, and the other morning I started reflecting on how I've handled fear throughout my life. There have been times that I have ruled the world because I overcame fear and realized what I was experiencing because I had freedom from fear. And there are times that I am captive to fear and can only focus on the sting of my bleeding knee. At times there have been things I really wanted, but fear (and his close cousin, aka doubt) kept my feet planted on the ground on either side of my bike, so I never knew what was in store for me. Actually, I did it again, just the other night. I sat with a group of friends wondering if it would be OK to share what was really pressing into me. Could I take the training wheels off? Would I crash in front of everybody? What if I lost control? What if somebody said "You ride like a girl!" (Oh wait I am a girl.) Anyway, I held back, feeling it would be too much, too over the top, too much drama, too dangerous, etc, etc. I don't know who, but I think there was a friend hanging out, really hoping that a friend would peddle his/her bike down the street. I wonder who was going to gain from what I should have shared. I pray that God gives me a chance to try again. Guess I just need to remember that He is running behind me, cheering me on, with a band-aid in His pocket.

Question #1 from Mr. Wright

Question #1 is something I started asking friends and others about 2 or 3 years ago when I was wrestling with the idea of how people really grew in their relationship with Jesus and in their commitment to Him. ...What are your Top Five, All Time, Desert Island Spiritually Significant Events? By SSE's I mean moments, activities, disciplines, experiences, etc... that changed how you see and experience God.

1-Cori. She was my running partner the summer I found God. She played a significant role in my coming to God. I shared stories from my life and questioned God's willingness to love me. The best thing was, that her jaw did not hit the ground. She just kept hanging out with me and listening. At times she would share what God had done in her life and encourage me to keep seeking.

2-A Dream. I had a very intense longing for a past "friend." I was incredibly troubled by it one day in particular, and when I got to the end of the night, I just knelt in my bed and cried out to God through song. I had only been a Christian for about a month, so I only new one song, but I sang it for what seemed like hours until I finally fell asleep. During my sleep I dreamt of this guy and it was so real. It caused my heart to ache and I felt so much confusion. Then in the middle of all the confusion God clearly spoke to me, "It will never work, because he is not of me." Bam! I sat straight up in bed, completely awake and stunned. With one sentence, God completely broke the ties of that relationship from my heart. 4 months later, I ran into my "friend" and he started talking about a relationship (like in the dream), but in real life I had complete peace and confidence about turning away from the relationship.

3-My Man. There came a point in our dating life (and again the other night), where I felt I needed to share with My Man my history. I knew it would be over, but instead he pointed out that all of those journies and brought me right here with him. I'm so thankful that God has given him the capacity to love me over and over and over again.

4- GirlFriends. We have moved around so much, but God has always secured some beautiful women for me everywhere I go. It has never taken long, before I'm in a tremendous friendship where we can share our hearts, minds, fears, joys, and struggles. There are several, and I thank God for the time (at times too brief) that I've had with each of you...Bree, Nancy, Liza, Cherry, April, Rochelle, Holly, Marsha, Christa, Andrea, Kathy, Anna.

5- Unexpected Movie Line. "Time served. You are guilty, and you are free to go." I was watching The Exorcism of Emily Rose and when that line was spoken, it completely stunned me. It was a strange feeling, everything just stopped for a moment. I realized, Christ has served the time for my continued guilt, but because of Him, I am free to go. Thank you, Jesus.

So what are your Top 5 SSEs?

Crap! Mr. Wright, already has question #2 up; What the Hell is Wrong with People? I use to know someone who always said, 'F%$#ing People!' I guess that means we're just all screwed up, and as another friend has written, 'I (still) need God.'

What now?

Now here's a question for some of you....what do you do when you feel you've missed an opportunity that God wanted you to act in and now the moment is gone?

Forgiveness

I have forgiven many things and people in my life; insults that I considered huge. Now I realize I need to forgive someone else, myself.

God, What if?

I woke up one recent morning with two songs chasing each other through my head.
(The following is the rendention in my head...the real lyrics will follow.)

God, sometimes you just don't come through,
God, sometimes you just don't come through.

But what if your wrong? What if there's more?
(repeat x10 or so)

Sometimes I just feel like nothing is working out. Sometimes I feel like I'm free falling and the hard unforgiving ground is coming up pretty quick. It's times like these that I think to myself, "Where is God right now, in the midst of all of this? Is He going to come through? If something doesn't happen soon there won't be much of me left. I'll go splat."

I fear the splat so it must be a bad thing, right? Or is it the splat that will be the beginning of the big "Ahh-haa" moment? So then I'm left to wonder, if I do go splat, is He real? Was it His blessing or His lesson, or is it just the chance of the good and bad breaks of life? God, what if you aren't real? What if you are?

Just a little thought to get those intellectual and spiritual parts of you stretched...

(oh, here's the full lyrics to the songs of Ms Amos and Ms Nordeman)

God, sometimes you just don't come through
God, sometimes you just don't come through
Do you need a woman to look after you
God, sometimes you just don't come through

You make pretty daisies, pretty daisies love
I gotta find what you're doing about things here
A few witches burning gets a little toasty here
I gotta find
Why you always go
When the wind blows

God, sometimes you just don't come through
God, sometimes you just don't come through
Do you need a woman to look after you
God, sometimes you just don't come through

Tell me you're crazy maybe then I'll understand
You got your 9 iron in the back seat just in case
You heard you've gone south
Well, baby, you love your new 4 wheel
I gotta find
Why you always go
When the wind blows

Will you even tell her
If you decide to make the sky fall
Will you even tell her
If you decide to make the sky fall

God, sometimes you just don't come through
God, sometimes you just don't come through
Do you need a woman to look after you
God, sometimes you just don't come through
--Tori Amos, God



What if you’re right?
And he was just another nice guy
What if you’re right?
What if it’s true?
They say the cross will only make a fool of you

And what if it’s true?
What if he takes his palace in history
With all the prophets and the kings
Who taught us love and came in peace
But then the story ends
What then?

But what if you’re wrong?
What if there’s more?
What if there’s hope you never dreamed of hoping for?
What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He’s more than enough?
What if it’s love?

What if you dig, What if you dig
Way down deeper than your simple-minded friends
What if you dig?
What if you find
A thousand more unanswered questions inside
That’s all you find

What if you pick apart the logic
And begin to poke the holes
What if the crown of thorns is no more
Than folklore that must be told and retold

You’ve been running as fast as you can
You’ve been looking for a place you can land so long

But what if you’re wrong?
What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He’s more than enough?
What if it’s love?
--Nichole Nordeman, What If?

People Watching

Hey there! Well I'm out of town for a few days. I flew to NC and let me tell you about some of things I've seen...

#1 The most severe mullet I've seen (ever). Not only was it a mullet, but it obviously had product in it to make it spikey on top, and she had blond highlights in her dark brown hair. I think she curled under the ends of the long part ("the party"). That made my eyes finally pop open at 6:45am the other morning, as I sat in the airport.

#2 The most beautiful angelic little girl I have ever seen. She was on the 2nd and shorter leg of her travels from Las Vegas. I asked her parents when they started; they left Las Vegas at midnight and were on the 8am flight to NC. That explaines all the tangles in this little 4 year old beauty's hair. It was so weird, I couldn't stop looking over at her. (It's not a bio-clock thing...she didn't make me want to have one. The little girl was just captivating.)

#3 A womens basketball team was on the plane with me. When I use to travel for team sports we had to dress up. I guess not anymore. The women were all in sweats (sporting the school logo). They were all frumpy looking and kind of rude. If I were the school, I'd rip my logo off of those sweats. I must say, one girl looked ridiculous. I know it's a "fashion" thing and it's in, for some guys, and if I saw this on a young male athlete, I wouldn't have mentally chuckled, just yawned. This girl had pulled the right leg of her sweats up to her knee and the left down. It just looked so out of place on a chick, especially as she met her man at baggage claim.

#4 An airport policeman; you know the ones that tell you to move your car along? At Raleigh the policeman are like vultures (in a good way), as soon as your brake lights come on, they are walking towards your car to tell you to go around again. Anyway... There was a man in his 40s who pulled up in a minivan, he quickly ran inside and back out. He walked up to the police officer and explained his situation. He was there to pick up his 80 something year old wheelchair bound father, who he saw an airport attendant take back inside the airport. The police officer told him, he could go look inside. Then the man said, but my baby is in the van. The officer went inside to find the elderly father and came back out and then watched the van/baby while the man went in to ID himself and pick up his dad. (The entire time, you should have seen all the cars build up around the curb...there were cars parallel parked 2-3 deep from the curb.)

#5 The backs of my eyelids, finally. After only sleeping 2.5 hours the night before I left (a nap according to my ride), I got here and at some point slept.

#6 Oh, how could I overlook this one. I saw a friend of mine at 6AM pull up in front of our house to give me a ride to the airport....I didn't think he existed until at least noon! Thanks, man.

Chaos: Strike the Match

Tonight Aaron and I went out for a movie. We went to see Syriana. I highly recommend it for adult audiences. I'll warn you there are some graphic scenes (this adult chose to turn her head for a moment or two).

I think I started pondering the relationship between energy and chaos sometime during the first Gulf War. Maybe it was all the news clips showing us the burning oil fields. Mind you I'm not talking about physics. Well maybe it applies somehow, but I took physics 101, a.k.a. Physics for Poets, so I wouldn't know if it does somehow apply to physics. No, I'm talking about people.

I wonder what it will look like if our energy resources are depleted. I have a sickening feeling that the world as we know it will turn into chaos. Think back to how people responded after Katrina, after they were left stranded for awhile. Then there is always the scene with the minivan near the ferry in the recent movie War of the Worlds. The thought of such chaos has been a bit disturbing to me, and so I choose to safely push it back into my mind as something that could happen, but hopefully won't in my lifetime.

Tonight I thought a little more about this potential chaos. I realized that it is not so much a matter of if the match will be struck, as it is when will the match strike. As I pushed that thought around in my head for a bit, I realized something far more realistic. The match has already been struck, and for us, in the Western hemisphere, the chaos seems contained to "over there." It is only a matter of time before the flame of chaos spreads and engulfs society as we know it.

So, I don't know. Some people think it would be wrong to fight a war for the control of oil. What would you do one winter, if your baby's lips are a little blue and she's crying, there's no more electric or gas to heat the house, and you've burnt the last of your furniture? What if a war broke out for the control of water, or food?

I don't have the answers, and I think it's all pretty frightening. Really, I'm just thinking out loud tonight.